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Ohhhh no I'm not getting involved with those imbeciles again... they still owe me from that Four Seasons Total Landscaping debacle. I had to hide in the dildo store for like 10 hours.

I'm initiating a class action lawsuit against Heinz because: A. Those squeezy bottles are prejudicial against mythical hook handed creatures. It's been 3 days and I'm still finding ketchup in weird crevasses. B. Heinz sounds like the type of guy who would be friends with Hitler.

About that... Burning Man went late and it took me a LONG time to shoo all the various influencers and low rent starlets out of the cave the next morning and paperwork may have been used to roll various substances and anyhow the upshot of all this is you now can't go within a continent of him...

FFS IS EVERYONE ON HERE A GODDAMN LAWYER

On behalf in my client @Mather I'm formally serving you with papers regarding his suit against you. He is seeking pain and suffering damages to the effect of 1.6 million USD as a result of your previous comment and the connotations around the age of 40 born within. Consider yourself Triple Dog...

I see... @Mather your fees just went up.

Okay but last time I flew domestic there was some sort of mix up with my ticket and I ended up in a dog crate in the cargo hold so this time it's business class or no dice. The accused will be paying the bill for that by the way.

On behalf in my client @Mather I'm formally serving you with papers regarding his suit against you. He is seeking pain and suffering damages to the effect of 1.2 million Pounds as a result of your previous comment and the connotations around the age of 40 born within. Consider yourself Double...

First off, I know the documents are around here somewhere so if you'd just relax I will find them. They're probably under that pile of goat carcasses over there... Second off, sometimes it takes a minute to ascertain just what it is you want, as you Welsh are very difficult to understand.

For tax purposes.

I was just sitting here in my nice cosy cave, about to tuck into a fresh goat when my frivolous lawsuit alarm suddenly went off. Who are we suing, how much money can we make and I want in either way.

I leave my cave for five damn minutes to fix some new mess Shkreli got himself into and it snows. I'm like, 3 ft 6 inches tall, this shit is up to my neck, NOT COOL.

YOU RAAAAAAANG? Mathew Chupacabra J.D. at your serv- Wait... Where am I? Oh no not you people again...

Damn notifications always going off right as I tuck into a freshly bled goat... What do you guys want, who am I suing? Just pay the retainer and point me in the right direction. Like seriously, actually point me because my mythical hook handed creature eyesight is absolutely crap at dusk these...

Yeah I don't see any potential thorny legal issues here. Co-Signed. I'll send you a bill, I accept payment in goats. You're going to need a lot of goats.

You're so sued.

On behalf of my client @Mather you are all hereby "Triple Mega Gonzo" sued. Don't look it up, it's a thing.